Where did my good mood go?

I am not exactly the most positive person one could encounter. However, my recent mood status is shit. I am always in a foul and irritable mood. I think I will need to get my psychiatrist to up my bipolar meds. I cringe to think I hate my job this much, but at the same time I know my job sucks. If I knew then what I know now then I never would have taken my present job. I am on too often, and I hate my bosses for the most part. I am predominately bored all day, and when that isn't the case then I am just irritated.

Didn't go to the gym or yoga tonight. Not really sure why. I think it might have been the cold weather, but I really think it was the snide comment my preceptor said when I was leaving. Stupid bitch. Some days I really hate medicine. It's like every doctor has to be right, but we all know everyone can't be right and someone must be wrong, or at least "less right."

Today I saw some of the most obese people I have ever seen. They were so fat that their legs had swelled from severe lymphedema (google it-it's nasty). They smelled, and were so fat and swollen that they couldn't even walk. I know I should have more compassion, but I am so overworked and under payed that all I could think about is how lazy does one have to be to get that fat? How can people stand to smell so bad? Pathetic.

Weight was way up this morning...148. I am pissed, and ultimately know this is why I had a bad day. I think I had too much salt yesterday. Sadly, I am not that old, but sodium can now wreak havoc on my weight. I must reform my diet so starting tomorrow no more foods with a lot of sodium. This sucks because I find broth very filling yet low calorie (5 calories!). I have some no-sodium broth packets, but they don't taste as well. Tomorrow I will also start eating no/low fat. I have always excepted a calorie is a calorie, but not after today.

I am on call tomorrow (again!). I am so sick of being shit on. Out of the past 4 weekends I had to work 3. I am finally off this weekend, but still have call tomorrow. I hate my job.

Still fat and ugly...one could argue fatter, but I know it's fluid retention. Stupid fat-that's what makes one prone to fluid retention.

Psych appointment at the end of the month. Can't get here soon enough. I think mood stabilizer needs to be increased, and I need an anxiolytic prescribed.

Calories today = too many. Dammit. Promised not to purge, and not mentally up to the task right now.